Linkin Park <3
Why do you find it funny to make me pissed off?! I hate it when you get me pissed over small things and then the next day you tell me you mad me mad because you think its funny! What the fuck! I am so tired of this shit! This is the reason why I hate myself majority of the time! You don’t even know that when I’m alone I after a fight I think about stupid I was for getting mad and how I should value you because some kids don’t have parents in their life. You make me feel so stupid, worthless, and a selfish brat. I hate the fact that you call me a bitch all the time. I know I act like one but you don’t have to say it basically twice a day. I don’t want to blame you and I don’t blame you for my self hate and harm. I blame myself, I take full blame because I did this to myself. I am the one that thinks those thoughts and makes those new scars. I am the one that drags what ever sharp object across my skin not you. But sometimes I just want to break and tell you. But I know if I do you will feel like its your fault and try to get me help. I don’t want the help. I can recover by myself. You don’t know how sometimes I cry myself to sleep because I can’t handle all this pressure. The pressure to get straight A’s, the pressure to be the best, the pressure to be PERFECT!! I can’t live you to you’re high standards. I hate how you tell me I should quit band and indoor because YOU think I am doing it because I think I have to be like Zack. I am NOT trying to be like Zack. We may have the same intrest but the things I choose sometimes are because I want to do it. Not because I feel obligated to do it. I seriously just want to break down and cry and to just TELL someone what is going on in my home and in my head. I feel like I am going crazy, because I feel like if I tell someone they will just think I am doing all this self harm for attention! People really don’t know how messed up I am. I feel like I’m going crazy in this house and I just want to leave but I can’t. All I hope for is I don’t break down in front of a lot of people. I hate when people see me cry or I go in complete crazy mood and become a bitch. It’s just an ugly sight and I don’t want to loose any more friends because I am the one going crazy. I would just like to make the summer without self harm. I want to be free for once in my life…
